Do you know?

Maybe, I like him more than I want to. I don’t want to fall in love with someone that doesn’t fall in love with me. But what can you do about it? I don’t even know whether he loves me or not. I shouldn’t make a fuss about it. Just relax and be myself. Stop fooling myself and just be honest. That touch of him and those twinkling eyes, do not mean anything special. Probably he looks to everyone like this. And what does it matter? I don’t even like him, mm?

Every time we go to school with the train, he ensures that he sits next to me. Or do I only delude myself that kind of things? The way he sits and touches my foot with his. His leg with mine. How he takes care of me and how he looks at me.

It’s just that I don’t know what it is. What it means and what to do. Every morning when I see him in the train and I wait till the doors of the train opens, his smile, it gives me just a feeling I can’t place. Is that friendship? Or is that more? How can I secure that feeling, give it a new and know what it tells me. About me, but also about him.

And then, when we both love each other, how do you do that? I’m 17 and haven’t felt like this ever before. I don’t know how that whole ‘relationship’ thing works. I don’t know of he has ‘experience’ with this kind of things, but I don’t think so. What do couples do on a normal day? Isn’t it weird that we are in the same class? Isn’t that something for little kids?

I just don’t know…

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